Motherhood

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Here I Am

Here I am. Walking beside you as you cautiously weave your bike over the bumps in the pavement; smiling at your success on the downward descent.

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I’m here again now, quietly but tersely reminding you it’s time to sleep, praying for your eyes to close, patting your tiny back as you fight to stay awake.

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On Being Tired and Being Enough

Tired and a little stressed, I sat down last week and tapped out this post for my Facebook page. I had had enough… of feeling like I wasn’t doing well enough, or that my baby was somehow wrong for not singing the same song sheet as the books prescribe. The response was so wonderfully overwhelming that I realised so many of us feel similar, and so many of us are cracking on doing an absolutely stirling job, but without any self-recognition. At all.

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How are things with you?

motherhoodMy hand on his forehead, the rub of a small back.

Our cuddles, their laughter, my shortcomings.

All of the white noise.

She asked me how I was, ‘What’s new with you?’

‘Nothing, really – just plodding on – I’m boring! Tell me about you’.

There’s this nagging inadequacy, this desire to make light of the biggest part of me. The fear I have nothing interesting to contribute.

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I Will Carry You

1531992_10153709046760511_1433406769_nI carried you. From an invisible dot to the tiny baby you became, I carried you. I carried you inside me and I carried you in my heart.

And then, there you were – outside of me and into my arms. Then I began to carry not just you, but the enormous weight of responsibility, love and exhaustion. I feared sometimes I might collapse under its heaviness and occasionally, I did. But then I got back up and I carried you all once again.

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You Are Doing A Great Job

great jobIt has been another restless night and despite my plans to be Mrs Oh-So-Relaxed-Superwoman this time, I am feeling the stress of a baby who has fallen out with his moses basket and a toddler who needs more from me than I can sometimes spare. Oh and several million things I am behind on at home. But hey, they say that stuff doesn’t matter, I know. Until of course the toddler has no clean trousers and we have run out of nappies, and food.

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You and Me

20160225_151911_resizedIt is the middle of the night and your croaky voice wakes me through the monitor, you have been coughing and need a drink. It is just a cold – one of many this winter – and I stroke your head as you gratefully guzzle your water, while hoping you settle back down. I am tired, I need the loo and my legs are aching and unsteady. But then you say, ‘Want to lie in Mummy and Daddy’s bed,’ and I don’t hesitate. Of course that’s what you want, and secretly I do too tonight, not just because it is the quickest path to lying back down again.

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Don’t You Forget About Me

dont you forgetLast week I was driving my husband’s car some thirty miles or so to run an errand while he stayed at home with our 2-year-old. I am very used to having the toddler in with me for any journey I make, which is mostly spent congratulating him on tractor or motorbike spots, crossing my fingers he falls asleep or lobbing food over my shoulder and singing nursery rhymes to keep him awake.

In short, I do not have much alone time in the car these days, or out of the car either, come to think of it.

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A guest post on the importance and upsides of imperfection, by Talya at Motherhood: The Real Deal

In today’s world, we have very high expectations of ourselves. We’re always shooting for the stars, obsessing about this, that or the other in that everything-has-to-be-just-so kinda way. Yet how many of us have uttered the words “there’s no such thing as perfect” time and time again?

It’s no wonder that when embarking on motherhood, so many women put such great amounts of pressure on themselves from the very outset, and as a result become a walking neurotic blob. After all, it’s probably the greatest challenge of our life so far, and we want to do it 100% right… right?

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The Imperfect Parents Club

imperfect parents clubI snapped at you today. A few times actually – in the space of ten minutes – do you remember? I hope not. You were eating lunch and I had a work email I had to respond to quickly. I needed to concentrate whereas you needed to rub yoghurt in your hair and shout repeatedly that your hands were mucky.

It isn’t your fault that I’m trying to build my work around building you.

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All of This…is Motherhood

#ismotherhoodIt is early rising and midnight waking, it is wiping noses… and bums. It is the park all year round; it is play dough, sand and crayons. It is travelling heavy and never ‘nipping out’; it is laughter – so much laughter.

It is a shift in your relationship, it is rare evenings out, it is talking in yawns and gestures. It is discussing nappy rash, weaning and sippy cups – with gusto. It is toys in the living room, a prayer for more sleep, it is different than expected and more than you hoped.

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letter to baby
Dear Sir,

I am writing this somewhat reluctantly, but after verbal attempts to negotiate broke down without resolution, I am left with little choice. I have been in your employment for over 18 months now, and whilst I enjoy my post immensely, a few changes to my contract are required in order for me to attain some work / life balance.

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