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Here I Am

Here I am. Walking beside you as you cautiously weave your bike over the bumps in the pavement; smiling at your success on the downward descent.

*

I’m here again now, quietly but tersely reminding you it’s time to sleep, praying for your eyes to close, patting your tiny back as you fight to stay awake.

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yvette lamb infertility family parenting blogWe had our littlest christened two weeks ago, a lovely day with family and friends, celebrating our little boy. Though we feel so lucky to have reached the end of our infertility journey since his safe arrival, we will never forget. And, actually, we would never want to. Because although we have happily – and very fortunately – been able to move on from what was often a really crap time, I think it’s nice to occasionally reflect on things and how our family came to be.

So I penned this thingy – I’m not quite sure what to call it – and our good friend read it for us in lieu of a traditional reading.

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Life Lessons for my 3-year-old

life lessons 3 year old Big Trouble in Little NappiesI hear a lot of stuff about the baby days, a lot about the terrible two’s and a lot about 4-year-olds and the huge milestone of starting school. Right now though, I’m bathing knee deep in 3-year-old lunacy, which I actually don’t hear much about at all.

My son Just. Doesn’t. Stop.

Age 3 seems to be an explosion of imagination, conversation, learning SO much, and the blossoming of both awesome and frankly quite frightening personality traits. It’s a time to savour the happy chaos – in between shouting, ‘Get to bed!’ And, ‘Stop picking your nose!’ – and a time to worry if we’re doing what we should to help him not become a psychopath.

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Letter to My Children

letter to my childrenTo my big and little whirlwinds,

To my loves… my work… my miracle daily grinds.

It hit me recently, amidst the busy-ness of two small kids and the fact I am still very much finding my feet with the (not so) new baby, how settled I actually am, and happy. I am tired – like bone tired – and sometimes stressed and flailing. Everything is disorganised and when I attempt the daily plate spinning every other parent also does, I always, always drop one. I worry about various things both related and unrelated to you, and my head can never retain all of the information it needs to be fully functional. Oh, and did I mention I’m tired?

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Parenting, Social Media & Salt

social mediaI am no parenting expert. I couldn’t tell you how to get your baby to sleep through the night in five easy steps and I don’t have ten handy tips for entertaining a toddler without turning on the television. I am often disorganised and feel like I overly-rely on raisins and fish fingers, but I do know that being a parent is complex, and the early years often relentless.

It is always how it has been – a juxtaposition of the wonderful and wearing – it’s normal, I know.

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Waiting for a Star to Fall

waiting for a starDear Little H,

This has been bubbling around my head for some time now, but the last eleven weeks – since your arrival – have flown by so quickly with busy days and wakeful nights that I haven’t been able to get anything down. Now, you are sleeping and I have chance to try and turn these feelings into words, though I am not sure where to begin.

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You Are Doing A Great Job

great jobIt has been another restless night and despite my plans to be Mrs Oh-So-Relaxed-Superwoman this time, I am feeling the stress of a baby who has fallen out with his moses basket and a toddler who needs more from me than I can sometimes spare. Oh and several million things I am behind on at home. But hey, they say that stuff doesn’t matter, I know. Until of course the toddler has no clean trousers and we have run out of nappies, and food.

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You and Me

20160225_151911_resizedIt is the middle of the night and your croaky voice wakes me through the monitor, you have been coughing and need a drink. It is just a cold – one of many this winter – and I stroke your head as you gratefully guzzle your water, while hoping you settle back down. I am tired, I need the loo and my legs are aching and unsteady. But then you say, ‘Want to lie in Mummy and Daddy’s bed,’ and I don’t hesitate. Of course that’s what you want, and secretly I do too tonight, not just because it is the quickest path to lying back down again.

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Why Children Need a Stint at Charm School

12234959_517196328462443_2337231468106979646_nAlthough it’s wonderful to have my toddler at an age where he can communicate with me, I’ve started to notice a significant downside to it, in the form of Brutal Honesty. I mean, how long does it take for kids to realise they don’t have to tell the truth about everything? (Confusing and potentially slippery slope, I realise.)

In the last couple of months, he has pointed out that my bum is wobbly, my hair is, “Fluffy… like a dog,” and that I am not a lady. When I ask him what I am, he responds, “Hmmm, can’t remember what you is.” Although I could hazard a guess, based on his loud proclamation that, “Mummy has her willy out,” in the supermarket toilets last week.

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Love & Tantrums: Note from a Toddler

tantrums and loveSomething has changed recently – you’ve felt it and of course I have too. Our days together are often unpredictable and the routine you crafted around me so carefully – the net which kept both of us safe – has crumbled. You don’t know where you stand all of a sudden and you feel a bit helpless. But remember, I feel this way, too.

I am sure it must be confusing when one moment I am happily smiling and the next I am yelling and screaming at you, crying so much it makes my voice wobble and my breathing shuddery. You’re shocked and I am in too deep to stop it – I don’t know how to stop it – and you don’t either.

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Full Circle

full circleThere’s a part of me that can’t believe I’m writing this, that it’s happened – that we have become one of the lucky ones. Life can feel cruel sometimes and fate so unfair, but then there are little rays, gifts. There are miracles.

And I know this because I’m pregnant again.

Me.

I know!

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