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FAO CBeebies HQ

IMG_7275Dear CBeebies Boss Person,

I appreciate that being in charge of something so important means you must be very talented and work extremely hard. Either that or you’re knocking off Mr Tumble. Regardless, congratulations.

With that in mind, I don’t wish to tell you your job. I am but a humble parent, who relies on your channel to get me through some dark times – literally – as my son deems 5:30 AM an acceptable time to wake.

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Tiny Insignificant Motherhood

IMG_4272This thing, how I spend my days, it’s just motherhood, that’s all. It’s nothing amazing and it has all been done before. This strength, this mountain, this winding road – they are what they are – just motherhood.

They say not to lose yourself in motherhood, but I have. You’ve changed me, little boy. All I am and all I do leads back to you, directly or otherwise; and the line between being me and being your Mother blurred the moment I met you. Or maybe a few hours later – the first moments were mostly filled with ‘wow’ and ‘ow’. You and your beautiful big head.

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Guide To Reluctant Co-sleeping

Guide to co-sleepingThe subject of co-sleeping has long since been a hotly debated potato in the world of parenting.

Is it wrong to do it? Is it wrong not to? Is it safe? Will it form bad habits? Is it an essential part of bonding and attachment?

So you sift through the reams of conflicting information and studies, in addition to everyone else’s opinions, and eventually make a decision you feel is best for your family. And then of course, your baby tosses all your carefully weighed up thinking out of the proverbial window and tells you how it’s actually going to be.

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Experiment: Relaxing at Home with a Baby

relaxing with a babyCan you have a relaxing day with a baby?

Short Answer: Most definitely not, you loser.

Long Answer: Well I doubt it, but I couldn’t say for sure – I guess I’ve never properly tried… It would be amazing if it were possible.

Let’s see!

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How to Get Pregnant in 25 Easy Steps

And then there were 3

1.Chat with boyfriend about having children – perhaps two or three of ‘em. Imagine them growing up in a perfect bubble of bliss, or something. Agree you will stop birth control and make a baby as soon as married.

2. Have a wonderful wedding day and talk about how romantic a Honeymoon baby would be. Convince self you are pregnant on Honeymoon as a bit more tired than normal and just have a feeling. Tiredness is nothing to do with all the drinking and late nights, and you are definitely not delusional with the feeling

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Raising A Baby – The Essentials

 Five things it is essential to know about raising a baby*

baby*Not really that essential at all

  1. It is easier to open a packet of cakes than make a sandwich. Especially one handed (you do it with your teeth).
  2. You won’t enjoy every moment. Bask in some and just try to get through others. You’ll recognise which is which, though the first usually involves a smiling or sleeping baby and the second – poo on the carpet and exhausted crying from you both.
  3. The kitchen floor isn’t dirtier than it used to be, you just notice it more now you are not at work. Stop looking down.
  4. Takeaways are your friend. Don’t judge yourself, even when you drop a bit of peperoni on your sleeping baby’s head
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It’s Halloween, Baby!

I will haunt your dreams

‘90% of having a baby is dressing them up in silly outfits, right?’

A very naïve me, pre-children.

Sadly, I have discovered that is in fact NOT the case. Maybe 5% – and that’s only for as long as he is unable to forcefully object.

Today, however, is  one of them – Halloween, the only time it is acceptable to spend your day making large vegetables look sinister and roaming the streets begging for food.

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The Ten Commandments of Soft Play

soft play

Never mind Terms of Play, these are the real rules of engagement – for the parents at least.

1. Thou shall inevitably look after someone else’s children.

I make no secret of it, my purpose in going to this bouncy wonderland is to play with (and protect) my one year old. But I always, always, ALWAYS end up with at least one other child attached to me. Duties can include but not be limited to – encouragement and clapping, watching them swing, jump and leap (by order of ‘watch me, watch me’), assist up, down, over and under slides, help into ball pits, help out of ball pits and rescue from frankly terrifying ‘bridge of net’.

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The Big Baby’s Guide to Newborn Bundles

Do not be alarmed - I come in peace

Hey there baby,

How’s it going? Blink once for good, twice for bad and three times for I don’t know what the hell you are saying.

It’s okay if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, it’s a tough old world. Not that you will have seen much beyond your parents arms and the little prison they call your crib, but I appreciate you haven’t had the easiest start and are probably still catching your breath.  Let me reassure you before we go any further, what happened on day one is NOT typical – I promise!

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Milestones of Motherhood

Is your baby as advanced in house-wrecking as mine?

When you have a baby, everyone – from your parents, to your friends, to your Health Visitor, to the Grandmother in the park you have literally never laid eyes on before – want to know all about your baby’s milestones.

Do they crawl?

Can they pull up to stand?

Are they walking yet?

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Sometimes We Lose Things

Image by Stuart Rodgers http://instagram.com/rodgersstuart

I hold my son a little tighter tonight; stroke his head once more than needed. I breathe his sleepy sighs and inhale his whispered Mama. He makes my heart hurt a little less; I am so thankful for him.

Recently, like too many others, we lost something. And I really don’t know how I should be now, what I should do. I don’t know if this is private; if I should explain my absences and cancelled plans with vague excuses of flu and a packed schedule. Or if I should admit that something big and sad has happened, and that I’m not okay at the moment.

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