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guest mummy spits dummy picA Guest Post from the brilliantly talented Julie at
Mummy Spits the Dummy:

“Oh, how I wish I could go back to the days when I was a parenting expert. Before I had to live with actual children, I had all the answers to all the childrearing questions – even if nobody bothered to ASK me the questions, tsk! So much unsolicited advice and silent judgement. So many apologies I now owe to friends who had kids before I did.

Here is an abridged list of the Things I Would Never Do, Things I Would Never Let My Children Do, and Things I Outright Judged You For before my own children arrived.

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“See the tired mummies* sleeping ‘til it’s nearly dawngro3
Shall we try and wake them, as it’s nearly morn?
Hear them snore… what a bore… Shush…
WAKE UP MUMMIES!
Hop tired mummies, hop, hop, hop. Stop tired mummies – not, not, not.
Up tired mummies, up, up, up. UP. UP. UP.”

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The Imperfect Parents Club

imperfect parents clubI snapped at you today. A few times actually – in the space of ten minutes – do you remember? I hope not. You were eating lunch and I had a work email I had to respond to quickly. I needed to concentrate whereas you needed to rub yoghurt in your hair and shout repeatedly that your hands were mucky.

It isn’t your fault that I’m trying to build my work around building you.

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Alternate Spa Day for Parents

alternate spa dayIt is 3 PM on a Tuesday afternoon and I am Bone. Tired. Like: as weary as a badger, as knackered as a gnat.

I’d also like to point out that I’d be more effective at simile use if I was better rested. Probably.

I was up until late last night – and the night before that – working, then had a toddler in my face (quite literally) from 1 AM until 4 AM. I am hard-pressed to choose which was worse: the 2-year-old kicks in the nose, ribs and head or the incessant demand for ‘Tele’ at 230 AM when I had to try really hard not to beat myself over the head with the alarm clock until I passed out, instead of repeated whispers of ‘sleepy time, darling.’

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HEATWAVEI love summer, of course. Everyone loves summer: spending more time outside is good for us and there is always more to do. Then, during the five or so days a year of ‘proper summer’ – AKA heatwave territory, things ramp up a gear and we get to feel like we’re on a foreign holiday at home – for free – amazing! It is also important during this period to post lots of natural (forced) and happy (pre-meltdown) photos on Facebook and Instagram, and NEVER complain that it is too hot however uncomfortable you may be… this is sacrilege to the cloudless sky gods.

Anyway, there’s nothing to complain about because sunshine puts everyone in a better mood – especially young children. It’s all they need to be happy; along with constant entertainment and being kept cool, covered, watered, refreshed and rested. And they make all of this so easy to do, of course…

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Hangover + Small Children

hangover1Things That Work Together

Gin + Tonic = A Relaxed Fizzy Sigh

Friends + Cocktails = Laughing & Fun & Inevitably… Behaving Like a Bit of a Loser

2 AM + Chip shop = Unhealthy, Unnecessary and Quite a Frightening Sight But Essential Nonetheless*

 

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Happy Father’s Day – A Poem

fathers dayAs a break from bemoaning the lack of reasonable behaviour from my toddler – and because it’s Father’s Day this weekend – I thought a spot of sincerity was in order, as did my two-year-old. I admit he did need a little bit of help with the typing – his efforts not being bad as such bar a few errors.

SsikjisjjndvgjsSIDAFJnhlkl94 He knows what he’s writing though, apparently.

And I may have paraphrased his words ever so slightly for optimum effect; but otherwise, it’s all him. Sort of.

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Following on from the last Totsnet, some other babies and toddlers take their turn at rants and reassurance from their peers about their parental totsnet smallwoes…

I’m still quivering with rage about this but will try and explain without getting too upset by the flashbacks. So I was given a banana today and – oh God I can barely bring myself to say it… my mum peeled back the skin 1/2 a centimetre further than I wanted her to… I KNOW! I don’t know how it all went so terribly wrong as she seemed to be acting so cautiously at first (this isn’t the first time we’ve had this issue). But then I screamed in anger as she hadn’t peeled it back enough –

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It’s Alright That You Need Me

its alright that you need meMy little boy. I want to say this to you. It’s alright that you need me; needing is good, needing is natural. When you cry for me, when you wrap your arms around me, when you sigh because you feel happy in my arms; you’re behaving just as you should. You are finding out where you fit in this world, discovering all there is around you and learning how to feel safe.

You are young and new and so many things at the same time: brave and unsure, loud and quiet, shy and confident, content and needy. You are all of these things and that is alright.

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Parents: Why I’m Awake

awake
Parents, please know I do appreciate your frustration when I do not sleep, be it at nap time, bed time or middle-of-the-night time (your personal favourite I believe). I understand that me being awake means you being awake and that when you have fed me, changed me and soothed me, you expect me to drift into a peaceful slumber.

I can see that in theory, when the room temperature is just so, the blinds are drawn and the appropriate gaps between naps have been reached; I should happily nod off.
However, as we are both aware, this often isn’t how it goes down. And you, I am guessing, want to know why.

So – here’s a whole bunch of reasons – pick your favourite.

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All of This…is Motherhood

#ismotherhoodIt is early rising and midnight waking, it is wiping noses… and bums. It is the park all year round; it is play dough, sand and crayons. It is travelling heavy and never ‘nipping out’; it is laughter – so much laughter.

It is a shift in your relationship, it is rare evenings out, it is talking in yawns and gestures. It is discussing nappy rash, weaning and sippy cups – with gusto. It is toys in the living room, a prayer for more sleep, it is different than expected and more than you hoped.

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