How to Get Pregnant in 25 Easy Steps

Home / How to Get Pregnant in 25 Easy Steps - November 8, 2014 , by yvettelamb

And then there were 3

1.Chat with boyfriend about having children – perhaps two or three of ‘em. Imagine them growing up in a perfect bubble of bliss, or something. Agree you will try and make a baby as soon as married.

2. Have a wonderful wedding day and talk about how romantic a Honeymoon baby would be. Convince self you are pregnant on Honeymoon as a bit more tired than normal and just have a feeling. Tiredness is nothing to do with all the drinking and late nights and you are definitely not delusional with the feeling

3. Do not get pregnant on Honeymoon. This is okay; it would be a bit soon anyway. Decide to enjoy married life for a while and let nature take its course.

4. A few months later, nature has not taken its course, or at least, the course you want it to. Hmmm. Decide to step things up a notch and begin reading about ovulation, sticking test strips into cups of wee and telling husband when it is time to get busy in the bedroom. This must be how to get pregnant – almost there!

5. Hate yourself for listening to old wives tales (and wonder briefly who these old wives actually are), but nevertheless, spend up to an hour with your legs in the air and do desperately unromantic things to give nature a little nudge, the lazy cow.

6. Spend the end of each cycle feeling sick, dizzy, tired or weak of bladder. Feel very pregnant, are never actually pregnant. Start to feel sad and pine at pregnant women and little babies.

7. Wonder if things aren’t right. Talk to husband about this, both feel mildly distressed. Everyone else in the world, everyone is making babies. ‘Tis not fair.

8. Begin to dread logging onto Facebook as there is always a flipping scan picture being posted and it is starting to physically hurt. Stop logging onto Facebook.

9. Go on holiday and hope that the annoying instruction of ‘just relax’ is true. Maybe you will get pregnant on holiday. Do not get pregnant on holiday.

10. Force yourselves to get some tests done but feel deep down things are okay – it is just taking a while.

11. Tests are back and you now know why you can’t make a baby. Mother Nature has screwed you. You tell yourself it is not nice to be bitter but then, it is not nice to be infertile either.

12. Feel sad and scared you will never have a child. But you will, you know you will. You must believe. Book another holiday – not to get pregnant this time – to drink cocktails and have fun together.

13. More tests and more poking and prodding later, it is time. You are beginning IVF and are a bit scared, but also excited. Let’s get this baby making show on the road!

14. You have read that IVF is very difficult; you have been told it will push you both to your limits; you are worried that injections seem to cause couples to fight a lot. You wish it didn’t have to be this way, sometimes it feels so unfair.

15. You are pleasantly surprised – IVF is not so bad. You compensate for not partying with trips to the cinema, lunch dates and talking – you have never talked so much! You feel very close and are glad that if you have to do this, you are doing it together.

16. Being overly-familiar with a variety of fertility nurses every few days becomes second nature, as does stabbing yourself in the stomach. You compensate for this with cake.

17. You have discovered your inner hippy. Not usually the Zen-seeking type, you nevertheless have found comfort in meditation and acupuncture. You might even keep this up when it’s over (you don’t).

18. You have some low moments though. Who wouldn’t on this hormone stripping rollercoaster? You feel scared and emotional and terrified of all you are investing in this. Will it work? How will you cope if it doesn’t? Again, cake is of some use.

19. The time races by, as the clinic told you it would and it is nearly done. Things have gone quite well and you wait to hear how many embryos the two of you have made – exciting!

20. Things come crashing down – you have just one tiny embryo and it isn’t the best. Will it even make it to implantation? Will you even have the opportunity to become pregnant? Has this all been for nothing? No one can say at the moment, you just have to wait. It is a long 24 hours and you have had your fill. This is all too much and you stop coping. Mother Nature is a bitch.

21. Well, your little embryo made it. It is popped inside you, as easy as pie and you daren’t sneeze for fear of disturbing it. You know there is little hope, but there is some. You both cling to that, and cling to each other.

22. You won’t know the outcome for two weeks – time moves backwards. You try to distract yourself with work, books and films. You appear to have no control and cry at anything baby related and also anything not baby related.

23. You feel dizzy, but you have felt dizzy before. You have some funny pains, but you have had funny pains before. You gently remind each other that you are full of hormone confusing drugs which must be impacting on your body, and Google agrees.

24. It is finally time, finally. You pee on a stick and wait for your world to change, for better or worse. Three minutes pass, there is no line. It is over. Is it definitely over? You make your husband check again, four minutes… and something has changed. There is a line. Is there a line? Are you? Could you be? You are pregnant!

25. There is a tiny little life growing inside of you and you feel like the luckiest couple that ever was. At your terrifying first scan you see your baby; or more accurately, a little piece of popcorn, with a beautiful beating heart. This is really happening. Twenty-five months, your fair share of dark days, and that sliver of bruised hope – but you made it. You are having a baby! Not everything comes easy, but some things really are worth the wait.

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48 thoughts on “How to Get Pregnant in 25 Easy Steps”

  1. Man I can’t wait for this. This is what I keep telling myself. No matter how many failed cycles or losses, when it happens it will be so very worth it

    1. I’m so sorry for all you are in the middle of, it is so hard and losing a baby in addition is heartbreaking and so unfair. I feel like it sounds trite when you are on the other side but yes, it is so very worth it, and though there may be some scars, what you went through to get there won’t matter half as much as it does right now.

      1. Doesnt soubd trite at all hun. Totally understand the sentiment x

  2. Jenni says:

    Your embryo turned into a gorgeous little man! IVF is definitely a tough road to walk but it does make you appreciate the good times and the blessings all that much more.

    1. It definitely does, and thanks Jenni. I know we are so lucky to have him and any tough time so completely worth it x

  3. Emily-Jane says:

    How lovely! You are an inspiration! Xx

    1. Ahh, thanks Emily-Jane! I’m so not though – we just play the cards we are dealt – and sometimes drink a bit more wine 🙂 x

      1. Emily-Jane says:

        Yep, where would we be without wine!

        1. I honestly dread to think!!

  4. andthreetogo says:

    This post was awesome! I loved it! You are so real and humorous at the same time. Great post!

    1. Ah thank you so much Jenny, that is really kind of you!

  5. Aw I’m so glad you got your happy ending, what a journey xx

    1. Thank you so much Hannah. We had an easier journey than some, I know, but yes it was a bit testing at times! x

  6. Amy Ransom says:

    This is a beautifully (and wittily) written piece on infertility. What you have gone through to have your baby is so immense, you so deserve the happy ending. Going off to appreciate my 3 children now (and stop moaning about them) – thank you for the perspective. Everyone should read this. Popping over from #PoCoLo

    1. Thank you for such a kind and nice comment. Please don’t stop moaning about your children though, I complain about my son all the time. I think it’s important to strike a balance between gratitude and complaining 😉

  7. Louisa says:

    Fantastic post. Although I have never suffered from infertility I couldn’t maintain my pregnancies. It is a hard time but your little baby as a reward at the end of it makes it all worthwhile x #binkylinky

    1. So sorry for your losses, that must be so heartbreaking. So true though that a baby at the end of it makes a very happy ending x

  8. Nice read. Made me giggle and laugh on some parts. What a happy post =) #binkylinky

  9. This is so beautifully written, it made me smile as well as making me think. You are so strong to go through so much; but what a reward at the end with your beautiful bundle 🙂 xx

    1. Thank you so much, and yes he is definitely an amazing reward 🙂 x

  10. Helen says:

    Fantastic post!! We are lucky enough to have not needed IVF but not lucky in the sense we did have hopes of pregnancy when we weren’t pregnant, those imaginary pregnancies that you convince yourself is real, we have had the losses which make those little rainbow babies the best thing ever. It is the most heart breaking thing in the world but yet if (or more hopefully when) it happens I wouldn’t change a thing for the world. I am so pleased for you that your IVF worked!! Congrats on your gorgeous little man!

    1. Thanks so much!
      Loss of a baby is so incredibly hard and I feel for you so much. I have had one loss and I don’t think it will ever leave me so I can relate in a small way. But it is wonderful when your children do arrive and the little ones most definitely help you overcome hard times, and appreciate what you have.

  11. What a brilliant post. I am going through much of this at the moment – we just can’t have IVF on the NHS because I have Grace (which seems rather unfair on Ross) BUT we have made major changes and I can’t wait for number 24 and 25 to happen to me. Congratulations on yours – you really do deserve your happy ending. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo 🙂 x

    1. Thank you so much Victoria. Sorry to hear of what you are currently going through. It is so hard. However I very much look forward to hearing about numbers 24 and 25 from you in the future 🙂 x

  12. Joanna @mumbalance says:

    Very moving… Congratulations!
    Little F came easy, but we are now trying for number two and there are no signs yet, so I can understand you at least to some degree. Hate the anxiousness
    #binkylinky

    1. Thank you! I hope you are not kept waiting too much longer! 🙂

  13. Beautiful! I hope this gets shared lots, it deserves to be!

    1. Thank you so much! What a lovely comment 🙂

  14. Well I went through laughter to sadness to tears of joy with this post! So glad you got your happy ending! #TheList x

    1. Thank you so much – so are we! He was definitely worth all the uncertainty and crazy hormones! x

  15. John Adams says:

    Congratulations. The early days must have been tough before IVF worked. I know of pepole that have been through this, not somehitng I’ve peronally experienced but glad this list had a happy eneding. #TheList

    1. Thanks John. Yes you’re right. We found the waiting and not knowing far worse than the IVF itself – at least with that you have something to focus on and a possible light at the end of the tunnel!

  16. Lovely uplifting post! Well done for sharing, this will help so many! x #thelist

  17. Aww I could have written this post myself as a mama to two IVF babies. Really well written, hugs honey! It can be a very lonely world. Hugs honey! Thanks for posting.

    1. Awe thank you – lovely to hear you have two from IVF as well, gives me hope for the future! Always nice to hear of a happy ending after fertility treatment 🙂

  18. This post is both heartwarming and genius. I LOVE it. As a mummy of two babies (from x3 IVF attempts) I think you just summed up my life!!!! #thelist

    1. Thank you so much and I really salute you going through IVF three times – you’re a hero! It’s such an emotional journey and it’s lovely to speak to someone who has been through similar and come out the other side. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to have it not work and think it’s amazing that you found the strength to keep going until you got your beautiful little ones x

  19. Lovely post. My brother and his wife are on this journey at the moment and I’m just really hoping they get a happy outcome soon!! x

    1. Thank you and good luck to your brother and his wife – so hope it works for them too – fingers tightly crossed x

  20. This post is fabulous, I was totally gripped and I can empathise with a lot of what you said. I used to hate Facebook for scan pictures and seeing everyone in hospital waiting rooms with those pregnancy wallets. So glad it worked for you and your dreams came true. Thanks for linking up to #TheList x

    1. Thanks so much Aby. Am sorry you were able to relate but very happy that your dreams came true as well. Part of why it’s so hard I think is because you have no control yet it is the most important thing ever. Thanks for hosting another fab #thelist linky x

  21. How lightly and in a witty way you have penned down a emotionally stressful situation.
    I am really happy that at #25 a baby is born and everything is happy happy..:-)

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      Ah thank you Sangeetha. I wanted to write it in this way as though it’s a tough thing to experience, it wasn’t without its moments of warmth, hope and humour 🙂

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