30 Things You Think You Won’t Do as a Parent

Home / 30 Things You Think You Won’t Do as a Parent - January 3, 2016 , by yvettelamb

…But Totally Do

1. Use CBeebies and YouTube to virtually babysit your children

2. End up getting sucked in to said programmes… particularly the songs… which remain stuck in your head all day

3. Leave the house looking like a hobo. Most days

4. Bore people with photos of your kids

5. Say, “We’ll see.” About 75 times per week

30 things you think youll never do as a parent6. Ditto, “Maybe.”

7. And, “In a minute.”

8. Be completely ruled by their routine

9. Sing to them in public (and maybe even dance)

10. Lose patience… and your marbles

11. Bribe them

12. Obsess over milestones

13. Bemoan the lack of sleep (you just didn’t know how hard it could be!)

14. Let your house be taken over by toys

15. Take them to McDonalds (usually combined with number 11)

16. Use the Santa is watching threat… by October

17. Use the Santa will take your presents back threat… by December 29th

18. Lose hours online searching VELUX blackout blinds to squeeze even a smidge more sleep from your offspring in the morning

19. Serve chicken nuggets, regularly

20. Eat their leftover chicken nuggets, regularly

21. Resent mums with amazingly sleeping babies (but in your defence only if they show-off about it)

22. Spend silly amounts on baby gadgets to Help make your life easier

23. Let your toddler commandeer your iPhone – and accidentally post to Facebook on your behalf (be careful what photos you have stored…)

24. Drive around in the car to get them to sleep. At night. In your pyjamas

25. Distract by offer of biscuit, crisp or chocolate – without these things you have no power

26. Whisk them to the Doctor for every little niggle (usually passes by the end of the first year, and definitely by the second child)

27. Buy ‘expert’ parent books – but feel too tired either to read them, or implement their practices

28. Give in to fussy eating

29. Share your bed with them when they are ill / teething / breaking into song during the night… foot in the face and head in the bladder anyone?

30. Love them so deeply that you know the above doesn’t actually matter… because you are everything they need… and likewise, they, you.

Please say these don’t just apply to me… do they?

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7 thoughts on “30 Things You Think You Won’t Do as a Parent”

  1. Charlene says:

    A very honest list 😀 This morning I found myself getting sucked into Lazy Town before realising my lad had wandered off to so something else.

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      Haha! I have done that with Mr Tumble… even when I’ve seen it before! I’m sure there are many more than 30 things I thought I’d never do, but I felt I should probably leave it there before confessing too much 😉

  2. Lisa says:

    Definitely not just you! I particularly liked no.25 ‘without these things you have no power’. So true!!

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      Ha yes, I never thought I would need to parent via biscuit but they really are such magical things!!

  3. My three are all over 5 and I am still doing all of them ha – especially the hobo one xx

  4. Tim says:

    Fab list. Ever since all three of our kids discovered Strictly this autumn, there has suddenly been a lot of dancing in our house – and I have not been exempt, despite having the well-known medical condition Two Left Feet (also known as Daddius Dancius).

    I did learn long ago, though, that there’s no point spending money on baby gadgets. Much better to buy ourselves proper grown-up gadgets instead …

  5. Yep, done almost every one, except the driving round at night. He was a November baby and it was too cold, if it had been summer I would have been tempted! xx

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