I’ve heard some funny stuff about being a mum exclusively to boys. Some of it genuinely funny – like how they will apparently talk only in grunts for a few of their teenage years, and take over the house with game stations and dodgy smelling deodorants. And some of it a bit, well, odd. Like how my family would be complete if we had a girl – err, no thanks, I can barely cope with the children I’ve got without throwing another in to mix – boy or girl.
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A poem about my deepest, darkest fantasy…
The mother looked around, rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh
The clutter filling up the room could almost make her cry
She looked at all the books, the games, the eleven million toys
The big bright noisy plastic that is made for girls and boys
Two years ago my husband and I decided to look into some part time childcare for our little boy. I had heard lovely things about our local preschool but being nervous, worried and all those other things I can be as a mother, I just couldn’t imagine him feeling independent enough to be happy in the care of non-family members. He was funny and lively at home, but otherwise quite shy and it felt like a big leap for him to be in a setting without me.
I’m not going to write this as an open letter to dinnertime because I realise that as more of a hellish entity than a person, it will not reply, thus furthering my rage and feelings of hopelessness towards it.
I’m just going to rant about it generally on here because I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. Let’s hope so anyway – misery loves company, right?
While I couldn’t have been more excited to be having a baby, in hindsight, there are a few things I wish I had made more of before the big event. So much so, I made a list of ‘em. If you’re reading this prior to popping out a bambino or two then go forth and complete for me – you’ll be glad you did. And if you’re in the same position as I am, feel free to just ruefully nod along while sipping your cold tea and half-heartedly wiping your snot-stained jeans with a baby wipe.
This is a break-up letter, although ours is not a bitter end.
We have been through some times, certainly. That spate of hourly feeds was fun, and mastitis sure knew how to throw a good party or three. There were moments when I wished we were formula feeding just to get a break, a solid stretch of sleep, a few hours where nobody needed to touch me. Our relationship was definitely not without its speed bumps.
Announcing a brief blog takeover by the bambino. Normal service will be resumed. At some point. If he ever starts sleeping…
1. Milk is the greatest thing ever invented – by women or cows – or whatever. Wherever it comes from, it’s awesome, so keep it flowing.
2. Grown-ups are weird. They bemoan the fact having kids has made them boring, then don’t stop banging on about sleep and being tired. YAWN. Change the record or bore off!
People flock daily to popular parenting forums to seek tips, advice and opinions on matters about life and their precious offspring – it’s popular stuff! If babies and toddlers used them, however, we might find them wrestling some particularly meaty issues… Following on from the original Totsnet, this Am I Being […]
Here I am. Walking beside you as you cautiously weave your bike over the bumps in the pavement; smiling at your success on the downward descent.
I’m here again now, quietly but tersely reminding you it’s time to sleep, praying for your eyes to close, patting your tiny back as you fight to stay awake.